Estrangement has some powerfully negative affects on all parties involved, but especially when the separation is between an adult children and a parent. More families than ever before are experiencing this epidemic of divided families.
Family estrangement can be shattering to the identity (sense of self) of the one who has been cut off from their family member. One of the most accurate explanations that I’ve heard is summed up this way. “Estrangement creates a uniquely devastating form of grief in which an estranged family member often mourns the living.”
Not only does it cause one or more family members to grieve, it creates issues of mistrust, lack of purpose, feelings of isolation - even from other healthy relationships, self esteem problems, rumination, unhealthy eating and sleeping habits, and the list goes on!
Taking good care of your physical and mental health is critically important during a period of estrangement. Being INTENTIONAL in a few things can go a long way in surviving estrangement.
Catch the ruminating thoughts and change them. It’s easy to stay focussed on our pain. It’s natural to ruminate on the negative circumstances of broken relationships. Scripture tells us in the book of Philippians, the fourth chapter, verses eight and nine, to be intentional with our thoughts. The Apostle Paul writes, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
Partner with someone else for accountability, encouragement and prayer. This could be a friend or neighbor. It could be someone from your church or organization. It could be someone who has the same problems you have, or someone with different circumstances. This doesn’t mean that the other person does all the helping though. Studies show that when we give of ourselves, ( in spite of our own needs), we actually benefit in many ways from helping others. It’s the principle of seed faith. It’s sowing and reaping, giving and receiving! Purpose takes place when we touch the lives of others in a positive way. Purpose actually Is touching the lives of others in a positive way! A sense of purpose can restore our own souls. It gets our eyes on the more complete picture of our lives. It gives us faith that as we help others in need, God sees our seeds of love and kindness and will cause the reciprocal action to be reaped in our lives, as well as the lives of our estranged loved one. Doing for others when we need something ourselves - This is the Golden Rule lived out!
As partners, regularly encourage healthy eating and sleeping habits. Listen with a compassionate ear, and pray with and for each other.
Invite God into your situation! God may not have caused the issues or the pain, but he wants to be a part of helping you in your journey. The scripture stated above ends with this promise - “The God of Peace will be with you!” I will take the peace of God in my life any day! But this promise is about his presence, as the God of peace. The instructional part of the verse is about intentional thought and doing what we know to be right. The promise part of the scripture is that He will be with us.
My prayer for you -
Father, we come to you in prayer, needing help. We need your strength, wisdom and guidance. We need your healing in our families. Forgive us in the areas we have failed. We choose to forgive others who have hurt us. We invite you into our situations. We invite you into our pain. We surrender our loved ones, our relationships, our hearts, our failures, and our pain to you - our source of life! Holy Spirit lead me and my loved ones into your truth. We receive your strength for the journey, and your healing in our lives. In Jesus’ name, Amen!