Sometimes I ask God questions. Then there are times when I question God. I don’t question His existence, but at times I can be confused about what he's doing with my life and in my life. I don't want to question His heart, His faithfulness, or His intentions, however I do question the strange twists and turns that life takes. I wonder and even wander in what feels like chaos.
It’s in these times that my mind goes back to the beginning. Not my beginning. THE BEGINNING! God created the heavens and the earth and He created man in his own image. This man Adam, was simply a creation, but was not yet a living being until God breathed into him his own breath. Adam existed, having been made from the elements of the Earth. Oxygen existed before Adam was created, so that when it was time for Adam to breathe on his own he could function as a living being. The existing particles that God brought together from the ground were for-ordained for a purpose and they took on the form of Adam. Chaos existed before the earth existed as we know it. In order for there to be chaos there had to be elements within the chaos. Chaos is not nothingness. If there was nothingness it could not exist as chaos. Chaos is disorder. Chaos is having no boundaries. Chaos has no design and no form to the human eye, but this chaos was not an absence of materials for God to work with. God in his wisdom created all the elements, all the gasses, all the liquids, all the solids and laid them out in the expanse of the universe. He then took what appeared to be a mess and begin to create the Earth and the moons and the Suns and other planets. Out of The Chaos, Beauty took form. Out of Chaos something was created that only God could create.
Those times that I question God, when life feels chaotic, I get to remind myself that if God took all the elements involved in the chaos before the creation of the Earth, and made the Beauty and the Majesty that we see and experience, then what can he create with the chaos that is me and my life? I’m reminded that God does his best work when only the raw elements exist. God does his best work when there seems to be no outline, no definition, no blueprint - other than the vision of his heart that he holds for me as his son.
When I can't see through the chaos, He can and does. When I don't understand what he's doing, He does and is orchestrating the chaos into patterns and designs of love, life, and light. So my question becomes, “will I trust him in the midst of the chaos?”
Will I let him arrange the elements of my life so that the end result is Glory for him. When I try to save or create my life I lose it, but when I surrender my life, I gain so much more. When I try to control the chaos it only becomes more chaotic. In spite of all I do, in spite of all my attempts the chaos remains. But when I trust, and I let go of the chaos and the fear of life in disarray, the Creator creates, and brings to life something that never existed before. He makes all things beautiful, from our surrendered chaos.